Here, I could go into the whole argument of virginity as a social construct in defining the market value of a woman. But I'm not going to do that, because it is also not entirely relevant to this blog post. And, without going into any explicit detail, I will admit I am not a virgin. (Is there any way to define myself in this case in terms of what I am versus what I am not? Beyond "I am sexually active" as if it is a switch you can just turn off-- looking at you, Juno.)
That being said, I got to thinking about waiting for my spouse versus saving my lady bits for my spouse, and decided I'm still perfectly capable of finding someone and being someone worth waiting for, and so is everyone else (regardless of which direction his or her sexual activity switch is flipped.) And that's why I'm writing this, because it's something I needed to hear in regards to my relationship and something I think others might appreciate, as well. Because if you were raised in a Christian household and/or church environment like me, you might have also struggled with the value placed on sexual purity, and what if rape or sexual assault or even if you just wanted to have sex? I was taught that God could forgive, but no one else wants, well, "gum that's already been chewed" is one common analogy. Besides, forgiveness is for sinners who didn't grow up in church, right? Hmmmmm.
(Side note: remember this is extreme paraphrasing and my own personal impressions of years of my life. I truly believe my parents value me as a person and raised me in the best way they could, but I was their first child and they were very young, so much was lost in translation, I'm sure.)
Yeah, let's just say, it's really hard to recover your self esteem from the dredges of that kind of mentality. And in the end, I realized not only do I not want to be with someone who values my genitals more than any other aspect of my personality, but that's a really harmful and discouraging way to look at yourself and the people around you. I'd rather be with someone who cares more about our respective general health and wellness and has respected his/her whole body by taking care of it.
While the idea of finding someone worth waiting for is nice and comfortable and something I think we can all get on board with, what kind of waiting are we talking here? Well, let me give you a few ideas to get the ball rolling.
Find someone who won't make you too mad if he or she is taking a long time in the bathroom while you're waiting. Simple, right? Except it becomes decidedly less so when you're trying to get to your destination in a hurry because you're running late or if you really, really, really have to pee and they've locked the door and don't have the ability to unlock it to let you in right that very second.
Find someone who doesn't need to entertain you every second of the day, for those times when they sleep in later than you so you don't have to wake them up. And on that note, find someone who deserves breakfast in bed on those mornings, because then you can kill two birds with one stone. This one, I will admit, is a gentle reminder for anyone who wants to date me, because you will be joining into a preexisting polyamorous relationship with my bed and multiple pillows and me.
Find someone who will let you have your own life separate from the other while you're unmarried (as a 19 year old, I don't pretend to understand how lives are divvied out after the wedding, but before that point the two of you are not a combined entity.)
Find someone who makes you enjoy the anticipation between plans to see each other, all the way up to and including the drive to their house or the walk to the doorstep. Don't wallow in loneliness when you're apart. That fluttery feeling in the pit of your stomach, knowing the timer is ticking down until you see each other again, however long or short that time may be... That feeling is like none other. And eventually you'll get used to seeing each other all the time and that feeling will fade, so, please, enjoy it while it lasts. For those who aren't dating yet, enjoy the anticipation of that first date, the first kiss, the moment he/she asks you to be his/her girlfriend/boyfriend. Those things only happen once, so try not to rush through them. (The idea of marriage proposals might be a myth, I think, because I've never seen one.)
Find someone you can take the time to truly make up with after a fight. People fight. Couples fight. My parents fight and they love each other more than any two people I've ever seen in my life. If you're never fighting, you're probably doing something wrong. And it may take a while to make it all better afterwards. Find someone who is worth taking that time, and remember how that kind of waiting feels when you're the slighted one so you only take the time you need to feel better and no longer. You're not trying to torture each other.
This is the start of an ongoing personal list which I leave to you to adopt or argue against. Because the title of this blog post had to do with waiting as a verb and a position you'll find yourself in, all of the above followed the trend. I'm not about to give my specific criteria for a person worth waiting for, because what I value in a person may be totally different from you and sometimes contradictory, so you're left to your own devices with that area. And again, I'm not married, so I have a very narrow view of romance and such.
Whoever you are reading this, in whatever place you find yourself in, know I truly believe you're someone worth waiting for. Whatever that's worth, it's still true and I think you should hear it and maybe remind yourself of it.
.alexis.
